SCENE ONE: JENNIFER AND EMILIO ARE TALKING AT HER DESK WHEN JACK COMES OUT OF HIS OFFICE.

 

JACK: Emilio. Improving your mind as always.

EMILIO: Well I would if I thought I needed it.

JENNIFER: Excuse me Jack, are you looking for somebody?

JACK: Vern. Make sure he gets this right away. They open on Tuesday.

JENNIFER: Who does?

JACK: Shakespeare in the Park. You mean you haven't heard. They just got their arts grant. It means we can look forward to a whole season of fun and games starting with A Midsummer Night's Dream.

JENNIFER: Oh that's great. It's one my favorites.

JACK: Really! One of mine too.

EMILIO: (Completely oblivious) Hey, who had a dream?

JENNIFER: You know I never thought I would like Shakespeare until I took that course last semester and it was so interesting. I love Macbeth.

JACK: (Because of the alleged curse he does not mention the play by name.) The Scottish Play or Othello.

JENNIFER: Oh Romeo and Juliet.

JACK: (Getting down on bended knee, and making a sweeping romantic gesture with his arms.) "Ah, but soft, what light through yonder window breaks?"

EMILIO: (Trying to be cool) Hey who broke a window here?

JACK: (Jack looks over at Emilio, rolling his eyes, that he is completely ignorant; he ignores him and continues.) "It is the East and Jennifer is the sun!"

JENNIFER: (Getting caught up, she plays along Jack.) "Oh Deveraux, Deveraux! Wherefore art thou Deveraux?"

 

BOTH ARE CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT. JACK GRABS JENNIFER AND SWINGS HER AROUND.

 

EMILIO: Right here Jen.

JACK: (Jack gives him a quick glance, and continues.) But passion.

JENNIFER: Poetry.

EMILIO: You know I know some poems myself.

JACK: (somewhat egging Emilio on.) I'm sure you do. "There once was a young lady from Venus...."

EMILIO: "Who had a very large...."

JACK: Heeeyyyy!

EMILIO: Yeah I know that one but come on I can show ya.

JACK: You know the Comedy of Errors?

JENNIFER: I'll explain it.

EMILIO: Did I miss something here?

JACK: Make sure he gets it right away. This town needs as much culture as it can get. Emilio, watch out for that gutter ball.

SCENE TWO: JENNIFER HITS JACK WITH A FOLDER, AND HE WALKS BACK INTO HIS OFFICE.

 

JENNIFER: Emilio, what time do you want me to meet you Tuesday?

EMILIO: Hey why don't you just take care of Devy's thing and I'll figure that out when you get back and let you know, okay?

JENNIFER: Alright. Don't go anywhere okay.

EMILIO: Alright. Farewell sweet thing.

JENNIFER: Uh, what? Did you say something?

EMILIO: Nah.

JENNIFER: Oh, okay.

 

JENNIFER LEAVES AND EMILIO DECIDES TO GO AND SEE JACK. HE KNOCKS ON JACK'S DOOR.

 

JACK: Enter Prithee.

EMILIO: It ain't Prissy, it's Emilio. Got a minute to talk?

JACK: Speak oh rogue and peasant slave.

EMILIO: Look I've been thinkin what you said and maybe I need to polish up my act a little bit.

JACK: Meaning?

EMILIO: Meaning, if the offer's still open, maybe you can teach me what I need to know. Or what Jennifer thinks I should know. What do you say? Are we on?

 

JACK HAS A LOOK OF DEVIOUS DELIGHT. YET HE ALSO SEES THIS AS AN OPPURTUNITY TO RESHAPE EMILIO INTO A MORE REFINED IMAGE TO MAKE HIM SUITABLE FOR JENNIFER. BUT DOES HE REALLY WANT THAT?

 

JACK: Are you sure about this Emilio?

EMILIO: I'm here asking ain't I?

JACK: It's not going to be easy.

EMILIO: We're not talking about your sex life.

JACK: Hahahaha. It's not going to happen overnight either. It not easy to make a duchess from a common gutter snipe.

EMILIO: What's that supposed to mean? More Shakespeare?

JACK: No, Shaw. And if you really want this to work we've got to get rid of the t-shirts. No more muscles. The Stallone thing is over.

EMILIO: What Stallone thing?

JACK: Look, if you want....you've got to make sure Jennifer can see your brain underneath all that....er....

EMILIO: Style?

JACK: For a want of a better description, yes.

EMILIO: Okay, okay, okay. Whatever. I just want to make sure I'm ready to take her to the Shakespeare who who.

JACK: Oh! You're taking her to A Midsummer Night's Dream?

EMILIO: Yeah. I can buy tickets, can't I?

JACK: Well you know the ground is free.

EMILIO: No, no, no, no. I'm talking about seats. Right in the middle, the good ones. You know, I'd like to be able to talk about it with her.

JACK: Oh yes. That should be very interesting.

EMILIO: Oh come on. I just don't want to look like a dufus who doesn't know a thee from a thou. What do you want, you want me to beg ya here?

JACK: Oh well, that would be very entertaining.

EMILIO: Oh forget it man. Just can the idea.

JACK: Emilio, I'm sorry. I really do want to help you, really.

EMILIO: You sure know. No monkey business. You're going to be straight with me?

JACK: Straight as an arrow.

EMILIO: Great, when do we start?

JACK: Okay, let's start right now with A Midsummer Night's Dream. We're going to go scene by scene.

EMILIO: Well that's okay. I just want to make sure that I really impress Jennifer, you see.

 

JENNIFER WALKS IN THE OFFICE.

 

JENNIFER: Impress Jennifer about what? What are you two talking about?

 

JACK AND EMILIO LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

 

JACK: Talking? Who's talking?

JENNIFER: You were talking.

EMILIO: Us?

JACK: We don't even like each other.

JENNIFER: (To Emilio) Then what are you doing in here?

EMILIO: I was letting him know that.

ENNIFER: That you don't like him?

EMILIO: That's right.

JENNIFER: Is this news to one of you?

JACK: What Emilio is trying to say is that in spite of the fact he doesn't like me, he appreciates the kind of work that I do here at the paper.

JENNIFER: Jack, that doesn't make any sense at all.

JACK: I know that. He's the one that said it.

EMILIO: Look does everything gotta make sense for you to believe it, huh?

JACK: I think you better stop while you're ahead. Remember that Englishis his second language.

JENNIFER: Alright, alright, forget it, forget it. What time? Bowling, what time do you want me to meet you?

EMILIO: Um, are you going to be around a little later on?

JENNIFER: Yeah, I'm going to be in all day.

EMILIO: Good. I got somewhere to go. I'll be back okay.

SCENE THREE: JO FINDS STEVE IN THE PARK. SHE NOTICES HIS STRANGE BEHAVIOR. SHE REMEMBERS WHAT JACK SAID EARLIER. SHE QUESTIONS STEVE. STEVE IS SHORT WITH HER. WHEN HE DISCOVERS THAT JACK HAS BEEN ASKING ABOUT HIM HE GETS UPSET. HE KNOWS JACK IS UP TO NO GOOD.

SCENE FOUR: JACK GIVES EMILIO A PUZZLED LOOK AS HE LEAVES. EMILIO GIVES JACK A THUMP AND JACK THUMPS BACK.

 

JENNIFER: Alright Jack, what was that all about?

JACK: Um....

JENNIFER: Tell me now.

 

STEVE BARGES INTO THE OFFICE.

 

STEVE: Stop what you're doing Jackson. We're gotta talk.

JACK: Line forms to the right.

JENNIFER: I'll see you Jack.

JACK: Jennifer, Jennifer.

 

JENNIFER WALKS OUT LEAVING JACK VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH STEVE.

 

JACK: Well make it fast. I'm a busy man.

STEVE: I got one thing to say to you Jack.

JACK: Can I quote you?

STEVE: (Pointing) You, you keep your face out of my life, you hear me?

JACK: Oh I thought it was going to be something different. You always come in here speaking in tongues. Like that preaching went to your head.

 

STEVE GRABS JACK BY THE COLLAR.

 

STEVE: I just talked to our mamma, so I know you've been snooping around. You hear me?

JACK: I am wounded, you know that.

STEVE: Oh are you? Do you ever stop to think why that happens to you? Because you give what you get little brother.

JACK: What happened? Why are you so upset? What did you scope? What did you do that got you so upset?

STEVE: Whatever it is, it's none of your business. You stay out of it or you're going to be sorry. You hear me? You hear me this time?

 

STEVE LETS JACK GO AND STARTS TO WALK OUT.

 

JACK: Steve?

 

STEVE TURNS BACK TO LOOK AT JACK.

 

JACK: I'm already sorry.

SCENE FIVE: RECENTLY STEVE HAS RECEIVED A PARCEL CONTAINING A BOTTLE OF WINE FROM AN ITALIAN VINEYARD CALLED TOSCANO. THE GIFT GREATLY UPSET HIM AND KAYLA WAS SURPRISED TO SEE HIM SO DEFENSIVE. HE DELIBERATELY DROPPED THE BOTTLE AND BROKE IT. KAYLA BOUGHT A BOOK ON WINE AND LOOKED UP THE VINEYARD WHICH ALSO UPSET STEVE. MEANWHILE KAYLA HAS MET A WOMAN CALLED MARINA WHO SEEMS DETERMINED TO GET TO KNOW HER AND STEVE VERY WELL.

SCENE SIX: JACK IS SITTING IN HIS OFFICE REFLECTING ON STEVE'S VISIT WHEN JO ARRIVES.

 

JO: Jack.

JACK: NO, don't tell me. You ran into Steve in the park.

JO: How did you know that?

JACK: Just check me for his fingerprints or check for the stretch marks on my suit.

JO: Why did you tell me about that article yesterday?

JACK: I don't know what you're talking about.

JO: You were after something weren't you?

JACK: He's convinced you that I have a dark ulterior motive.

JO: Don't you?

JACK: No. Maybe I want to help the guy. Maybe I do have a sympathetic sensitive side.

JO: I know you do.

JACK: Thank you. As a matter of fact I am in the middle of one of the most magnanimous self sacrificing projects of my entire life. As we speak!

 

JACK LOOKS AT JENNIFER THROUGH THE BLIND ON HIS OFFICE DOOR.

EMILIO ARRIVES AND SHOWS JENNIFER TWO TICKETS TO SHAKESPEARE IN THE PARK. EMILIO SURPRISES JENNIFER BY TELLING HER HOW MUCH HE LOVES SHAKESPEARE.

SCENE SEVEN: EMILIO AND JENNIFER ARE TALKING WHEN JACK COMES OUT OF HIS OFFICE. JENNIFER ASKS EMILIO SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT SHAKESPEARE AND JACK STANDS BEHIND HER TO SIGNAL EMILIO WITH THE RIGHT ANSWERS. JACK IS ENJOYING THE WHOLE THING, EMILIO'S DISCOMFORT, AND LACK OF SOPHISTICATION. AND SEEMS TO LOVE MANIPULATING EMILIO. HE TRIES TO PLAY CYRANO, TO HELP EMILIO GET JENNIFER, BUT DEEP DOWN HE WANTS JENNIFER FOR HIMSELF.

 

JENNIFER: Oh really, how many of the plays have you seen?

EMILIO: A few.

JENNIFER: Really. Which one's your favorite?

EMILIO: Well, er, my favorite would probably be the one where, er, the two people, the guy and the girl are runnin around singin and then they run through this other thing and....

JACK: Titus Andronicus. No, no, no. Coriolanus. No, don't tell me, King Henry.

EMILIO: That's it. Henry.

JENNIFER: Oh really, which Henry?

EMILIO: Huh?

JENNIFER: Well Henry the Fourth or is it the Fifth or is it the Sixth?

EMILIO: Ah, the Fourth.

JACK: Henry Part I or Henry Part II?

EMILIO: Who cares what Henry? They're all great. Look I gotta get out of her and go to Wings to pick up my chick. I mean my check. Ah, we're still on for Tuesday, right?

JENNIFER: Yeah, you bet.

 

EMILIO KISSES JENNIFER ON THE CHEEK.

 

EMILIO: I'll see you then.

JACK: "Once more unto the breech my friend!"

JENNIFER: I can't believe it. Emilio likes Shakespeare. It's incredible. It's like there's a whole different person inside of him that I never knew was there.

 

JACK RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AND NODS AS JENNIFER WALKS AWAY.

 

SCENE ONE: JACK IS TUTORING EMILIO ON THE FINER POINTS OF SHAKESPEARE. AGAIN JACK IS REALLY ENJOYING BEING THE ONE IN POWER, THROWING OUT VERBAL BARBS AT EMILIO, WHO IS NOT ABLE TO GET THEM.

 

JACK: (Reading from the complete works of Shakespeare.) What pray again. Ready, set, Thesius. Can you say that?

EMILIO: Thees, thiss.

JACK: It's only Greek, Emilio. The-si-us.

EMILIO: Thes.....Pass!

JACK: Clock's ticking!

EMILIO: What's the next question, okay?

JACK: The title of this play is?

EMILIO: Ah, Summer Dream.

JACK: A Mid-summer Night's Dream.

EMILIO: Okay, so I forgot the middle part.

JACK: Oberon is?

EMILIO: Fairy Queen.

JACK: King of the Fairies.

EMILIO: Okay so there's too many damn fairies around here. I don't know who's who.

JACK: I don't know Emilio. In a couple of hours you're going to be in a park watching Shakespeare in the Park with a young lady who is going to have some serious questions.

EMILIO: Okay, Deveraux. I'm ready. Throw me another question cause I'm ready, I'm standin.

JACK: Alright. Are we ready to concentrate?

EMILIO: Hey it's all up here man. (Pointing to his head.)

JACK: Okay, take it from the top.

EMILIO: Please.

JACK: Thesius, Duke of Athens, sets out on a midsummer's day to marry whom?

EMILIO: The big chick, the fat one, the hippopotamus.

JACK: Huh, uh.

 

JENNIFER COMES IN AND OVERHEARS THEIR CONVERSATION.

 

JENNIFER: What are you two talking about?

JACK: Talking, whose talking?

JENNIFER: Sounds like hippopotamus.

EMILIO: You know it kinda did.

 

JACK AND EMILIO ARE HAVING A FUN TIME MAKING THINGS UP. TRYING TO FOOL JENNIFER, BUT THE MORE THEY TRY THE MORE PREPOSTEROUS THEY SOUND. FOR A CHANGE THEY ARE HILARIOUSLY IN SINK.

 

JACK: We were talking about animals. Big animals.

EMILIO: Like in the zoo.

JACK: Who?

EMILIO: Farm.

JACK: We were talking about large farm animals in the zoo.

JENNIFER: A hippopotamus is not a farm animal.

JACK: In Africa maybe.

EMILIO: Sure, in an African zoo.

JACK: Actually I want to write an article about large farm animals in African zoos.

JENNIFER: Jack, do I look stupid to you?

JACK: Well actually no. You wear your IQ very well.

JENNIFER: An African zoo with very large farm animals. Boy that sounds like frontpage news to me Jack.

EMILIO: You see you should do a story on that.

JENNIFER: Will you guys stop it? You guys are making this all up.

JACK: Now wait a minute. My bodyguard and I are having a serious conversation about the newspaper business.

JENNIFER: I know what you are talking about and it's not the newspaper business.

EMILIO: Jen, I....

JENNIFER: No and I don't appreciate it either.

JACK: Alright, we're not talking about large farm animals.

EMILIO: Or zoos.

JACK: (Talking to Emilio) I liked the part about Africa though.

JENNIFER: You know you guys make me feel like I'm in high school, in a locker room.

JACK: Wait a minute. Hippopotamus makes you think of a locker room?

JENNIFER: You were talking about girls and a fat chick who's a hippopotamus.

 

JACK AND EMILIO LOOK AT EACH OTHER.

 

JACK AND EMILIO: (Together) OOOOHHH!

EMILIO: Yeah she was really a hippo.

JACK: A hippie.

EMILIO: With long hair.

JACK: A flower child.

JENNIFER: You know some men never outgrow their juvenile mentality. That's amazing. Excuse me. Some of us work around here.

 

JENNIFER WALKS OUT IN DISGUST.

THEY BOTH ARE GLAD TO HAVE JENNIFER LEAVE SO THEY CAN CONTINUE. JACK CONTINUES TO *TRY* AND COACH EMILIO, BUT IT IS TO NO AVAIL. AGAIN JACK SEEMS DETERMINED TO PLAY HENRY HIGGINS, WITH EMILIO HIS ELIZA DOOLITTLE, BUT SIMILTANEOUS ALSO TRYING TO SABATOGE EMILIO AS WELL.

 

JACK: I didn't think you went to high school.

EMILIO: Deveraux, indulge me with some Shakespeare alright.

JACK: Alright. For your information the part of Hippopotamus tonight will be played by Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazon.

EMILIO: I told you it was the big chick.

JACK: And Puck the fairy sprite....

EMILIO: Oh no more of that.

JACK: ....who magically enchants Bottom....

EMILIO: Now Bottom I like.

JACK: Bottom is a buffoon.

EMILIO: No, he's a cool dude man. He's a lot like me.

JACK: Now that's is it.

EMILIO: What is?

JACK: The character you identify with most, is half an ass.

EMILIO: Well who do you identify with most, Deveraux? (Lisping) The fairy spirit!

 

EMILIO LEAVES.

SCENE TWO: AND GOES OUT TO TELL JENNIFER THAT HE THINKS SHAKESPEARE IS GREAT BECAUSE YOU GET TWO PLAYS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE. AS HE LEAVES JENNIFER IS A BIT UNSURE OF GOING TO SHAKESPEARE WITH EMILIO.

SCENE THREE: MEANWHILE NEIL CURTIS HAS ASKED JO TO SHAKESPEARE WITH HIM. JUST AS THEY ARE ABOUT TO LEAVE, NEIL IS CALLED TO WORK AND JO IS VERY DISAPPOINTED. HE GIVES HER THE TICKETS AND TELLS HER TO GO WITHOUT HIM. JO GETS AN IDEA.

SCENE FOUR: EMILIO STRUTS INTO JACK'S OFFICE TRYING TO ACT COOL AND MACHO. HE IS WEARING A NEW OUTFIT THAT HE HAS BOUGHT TO WEAR TO THE PARK. HE HAS ON BEIGE TROUSERS AND A STRIPED BUSINESS TYPE SHIRT THAT IS UNDONE ALMOST TO HIS WAIST, HE LOOKS LIKE SOME LAS VEGAS SINGER, A SLIMEY LOUNGE LIZARD.

 

EMILIO: Hey my man. Ready for the night, tonight.

JACK: After all our work, I can't see what you're thinking.

EMILIO: Huh?

JACK: She's going to hate the way you're wearing that shirt.

EMILIO: What, are you out of your mind? The chick at the store practically attacked me.

JACK: Jennifer is not a chick. She's going to say you're not cultured.

EMILIO: Well what do you think I should do then?

JACK: Leave it to me. Turn around.

 

JACK PROCEEDS TO PULL OUT THE SHIRT AND LOOSEN IT.

 

EMILIO: Hey, what are you doin?

JACK: Turn around.

 

JACK PULLS SOME OF EMILIO'S SHIRT UP OUT OF THE FRONT OF HIS PANTS.

 

EMILIO: Eh, Deveraux. Come on.

JACK: Now, button it up.

EMILIO: Ah, I'll button it up man. I'm hangin out all over the place.

JACK: That's good, good.

EMILIO: You know I don't even dress like this.

JACK: That's precisely the point. You can't walk around with your macho hanging out. Jennifer won't got for it. She....she....she's more the subtle type.

EMILIO: Alright, alright. Dig this. How do I look?

JACK: Halfway to heaven.

EMILIO: You know I don't know Deveraux. I don't feel comfortable with this kind of thing.

JACK: Oh no. I think it's pretty good.

 

JENNIFER BOUNCES INTO THE OFFICE.

 

JENNIFER: Emilio, are you ready to go?

EMILIO: Ah, yeah.

JENNIFER: Is that what you're wearing?

EMILIO: Yeah, how do you like it?

JENNIFER: (Somewhat hesitant) It's great, great.

EMILIO: Cool.

JENNIFER: Okay. Bye Jack.

EMILIO: Right.

JACK: You kids have fun.

EMILIO: Come on Devy, you're a pal.

 

EMILIO GIVES JACK A HIGH FIVE WHICH REALLY HURTS JACK'S HAND.

 

JACK: Emilio. Watch out for those fairies, uh?

 

JACK WAVES GOOODBYE THEN BLOWS INTO HIS ACHING HAND.

 

JACK: Oooooh!

 

JUST AS THEY LEAVE, JO ARRIVES TO SEE JACK.

 

JO: Hello Jack.

JACK: (Think about Jennifer and Emilio.) Ah, hi, hi.

JO: Something wrong?

JACK: Wrong? No nothing's wrong. What can I do for you?

JO: I know how busy you are and I know you probably have plans tonight....

JACK: Jo, spit it out please, please.

JO: Well I have two tickets for Shakespeare in the Park and I was wondering....

JACK: (Interrupting) I would love to go to Shakespeare in the Park with you.

JO: (In shock, and pleased) You would. You would?

JACK: (Jack sees this as an oppurtunity to spy on Jennifer and Emilio and see how his experiment is working.) Oh yes. There is nothing I'd rather do than see Midsummer Night's Dream with my mother! What a better way to spend the night. Oh yes! These are good seats aren't they?

JO: Oh yes. I'm sure. Dr. Curtis got them.

JACK: Good.

SCENE FIVE: LATER AT THE PARK, EMILIO AND JENNIFER ARE WATCHING THE PLAY AND EMILIOPUTS HIS ARM AROUND JENNIFER. [OFF CAMERA YOU CAN HEAR PART OF THE PLAY, AND IT IS DEFINITELY MATTHEW'S VOICE IN THE ROLE OF PUCK — VERY APPROPRIATE.] PUCK: (In an artificial voice)
On the ground
Sleep sound:
I'll apply
To your eye,
Gentle lover, remedy.
When thou wakest,
Thou takest
True delight
In the sight
Of thy former lady's eye:
And the country proverb known,
That every man should take his own,
In your waking shall be shown:
Jack shall have Jill;
Nought shall go ill;
The man shall have his mare again, and all shall be well.

SCENE SIX: AT INTERMISSION, JENNIFER OFFERS TO LEAVE IF EMILIO IS BORED BUT HE SAYS HE WANTS TO STAY. HE GOES FOR DRINKS. SHE WONDERS WHY HE IS GONE SO WEIRD ON HER. AFTER EMILIO HAS GONE SHE TURNS AROUND TO SEE JACK SITTING A ROW BEHIND. HE CASUALLY SALUTES HER.

 

JENNIFER: What are you doing here Jack?

JACK: What do you think? I'm watching Shakespeare in the Park.

JENNIFER: No you're not. You're here and you're spying on me and Emilio, that's what you're doing.

JACK: (Not wanting to let on he came with Jo.) Oh contrare! I'm here on a date.

JENNIFER: Oh, where is she?

JACK: Well she's in the little wench's room.

JENNIFER: Oh how convenient for you.

 

JO RETURNS.

 

JO: I'm back! Hello Jennifer.

 

JACK LOOKS SUITABLY EMBARRASSED.

 

JENNIFER: Hi Mrs. Johnson. (Grinning) Sorry Jack, it was my mistake.

 

JENNIFER LEAVES.

 

JACK: Anytime! (To himself) "Oh what a fool these mortals be." (To Jo) Well I think that's it's time go home and write my review!

JO: Son, the play's not over.

JACK: Believe me, I know how it ends! This way.

JO: But my tickets.

JACK: Prithee.

 

JACK LEAVES

SCENE SEVEN: WHILE JENNIFER IS WAITING, SANTOS COMES UP AND THREATENS HER BECAUSE SHE DID NOT KEEP EMILIO AWAY FROM JACK. SHE IS VERY SCARED, BUT EMILIO CHASES SANTOS AWAY.